December 8, 2000
Erwin, Tennessee
Man, things have gotten a little nippy lately! Tennessee has rocked thus far. The trail skirts the NC/Tenn line so I actually was in NC here and there. Pretty cool seeing a sign for Spruce Pine-27 miles. Erwin is trying its level best to suck me into staying for many days. I was pleasantly surprised how this area has changed in the last 6 years since I’ve been here. The town is much cleaner, the people seem friendlier, and it’s not 98 degrees .I’ve been staying at a hostel called Uncle Johnny’s. As with every other hostel, restaurant, mountain, etc, hikers seem to either love this place or not love it so swell. I’ve been treated right, and give my Johnny Swank Seal of Approval.
It was good to get strolling and putting on some miles again after sandbagging a little bit to rest. I’ve had the best time in this area. I’ll be honest in saying that I really had some apprehension coming through here as the area near Elk Park NC and Roan Mountain TN has the highest rate of vandalism and crime on the trail by most accounts.
I did have one thing to happen as I was walking into Roan Mountain, TN the other day. As I was trying to get a hitch into town at the road I think I woke every dog in two counties up. They all came out to great me and say hello, but no problems. However, as I was walking up the road, this HUGE wolf/horse hybrid-thing came tearing down the hill right at me, barking his head off. Just as I was saying “Well Right Leg, you’ve been a good pal of mine” this big 01′ beast stops dead in his tracks across the road from where I was at. In the moment where I was looking at him and he was looking at me, we seemed to come to a primordial understanding about territorial rights and that if I would keep on keeping on down the road he would allow me to keep my leg as it was. Well, I agreed to this and started walking again, and he just continued to stare at me and slobber on the ground. Once my heart settled down to a relatively sedate 195 beats per minute, everything was fine!
I had some fantastic views on the balds near Hump Mountain. The weather was just perfect. Not to get all emotional or anything but it was enough to get me a little misty eyed. I camped that night in Bradley Gap, thinking that the next day would be awesome to go over Grassy Ridge and Roan Mountain. During the night the temperature dropped like a rock and I woke up to 10-15 degrees, high winds, and pea soup fog. The fog lifted by the time I made it to Grassy Ridge, but the wind picked up as well. It was about 20 degrees and something like 30 mph with big gusts every once in awhile. It made me think of a conversation I had about frostbite in the neither regions. I seriously considered shoving my spare pair of mittens down my pants for awhile but held out. No harm, no foul. When things get like that you’ve got to just laugh at it and roll along.
The downside is that my camera battery died on the ridge but I did get a few good shots of my eyelashes freezing shut. Looking back it was fun but at the time it was a humor test. Luckily at the Carver’s Gap parking lot the privies were still unlocked so I could spend 30 minutes hanging out of the wind. Hanging out in a privy, what has your life come down to Johnny Swank?! On days like this I get this conversation going in my head about the AT handing me my butt.
AT: “Johnny Swank, here is your butt.”
Me: “Hey! That’s my butt!!!”
Ok, that sounded funnier in my head.
Trail Magic was in full force the other day. I heard that they were calling for a big time storm to roll through with big time snow so I put the pedal to the metal to make it to a hostel in Dennis Cove to see what would happen. My thought process was this “Johnny Swank – if you get snowed in would you rather be hanging out in a shelter and freezing your tail off or would you like to relax in the hot tub that this place is supposed to have?” After pondering this for 1.3 seconds the choice was easy. Anyway, I get to the hostel but they were CLOSED. Not good, but not horrible as there was another hostel just down the road. Just as I was about to drag my tail between my legs, a man from across the street yelled at me to come over. Turns out that he and his wife (Deadman and Murphy) had just finished their thru hike in October and invited me to stay with them. Too cool! They were the most gracious hosts, feeding me, letting me crash on the couch, and sharing stories. All of that and refusing to take a dime for anything. Life is good, so good.
I had a great dinner at La Hacienda last night. This place is a combination restaurant, small grocery store, and sometimes used car lot, but the food was great and cheap, two things that I can appreciate very much. As I was waiting for my food, I got sucked into some TV show in the corner. It was some kind of game show from somewhere in South America. I had no idea whatsoever what was being said, but stayed glued to the set all the same. It just goes to show that this whole TV thing is a conspiracy theory to turn everyone’s brain into a pile of mush.
Things I Like About Hiking When it’s 10 Degrees
- Peppermint Patties don’t melt
- Cheese doesn’t melt either.
- Writing my name in the snow during bathroom breaks.
- The water never gets hot in my bottle.
- Plenty of solitude
Things I don’t like about Hiking when it’s 10 Degrees
- My hands getting so cold that they feel just vaguely connected to the rest of my body.
- Those bathroom breaks better be short and to the point.
- Getting in my sleeping bag and repeating my mantra “I am in the Bahamas. I am so hot. I’ll have a refill on my umbrella drink please. Man I’m hot!” This mantra rarely works however.
- Camera batteries die at unexpected moments
- Springs are frozen solid sometimes.
Alright, that’s about it for now. Hope everyone’s doing great. It’s neat seeing all the Christmas lights going up around here. I tried to think of how I could rig lights to my pack but I couldn’t decide whether to go for the sedate white lights or the full bore flashing colored ones so I dropped the idea. About three weeks or so till I’m done. I can’t believe it still. It really looks like it’s going to happen.
Thinking of where I’ll end up on Christmas gave me the inspiration for my latest hit: “Christmas in Hiawassee.” Hiawassee’s a little town in Georgia about 66 miles from the Springer Mountain and the end of the trail. I really hope to be a bit farther, maybe even to Neel’s Gap, GA, but it’s tough to come up with something that rhymes with Neel’s Gap.
Ahem.
They’ll be Christmas in Hiawassee,
Slamming miles like Ted DuBiase,
Can’t feel my face, my nose is getting frosty,
Cause I got Christmas in Hiawassee.
I’ll help Santa to find me between this tree and this here rock,
Don’t have no fancy stocking so I’ll hang my stinking sock.
Surely he’ll see me flying above like a portly saint.
I’ve got plenty of cheer and only one fear,
That my socks may cause Rudolph to faint!
Take care everybody,
-Johnny Swank
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